Strength
by Sheeple
Summary: Strength. What was strength? What was anything if it didn't allow one to protect their loved ones? A story about Sesshomaru after he thinks that Rin has died. SessxRin! One-shot. T for angst.


**Hey, just a short little one shot with a sad sesshy. RinxSess R&R!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.**

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What was strength? Strength, was a power that allowed one to protect himself from others, and to prevent the defeat of one from another. It was the one thing in the world that mattered the most, because if you were truly strong, then none could hurt you. The strongest would survive. Now, that notion was an illusion.

He held her charred form in his arms, cradling it gently. It was burned beyond recognition. The charred remains of a forest lay around them, the aftermath of a vicious battle in which a demon had challenged him for title of Lord of the Western Lands. The forest burned gently, fire crackling as it creeped dangerously close to the duo. Even so, he refused to move.

Strong. That was what he was supposed to be. If he was strong though, why had he failed to protect Rin, the thing that had mattered most? Maybe strength was an illusion. Pain, on the other hand, was very real.

He remembered what she had said to him. To be happy. He didn't understand what she had meant before. Now, when it had been ripped away from him, did he truly understand her words. He recalled it as if it were yesterday…

Rin ran around in a meadow, laughing as she chased a number of vividly colored butterflies. Her face lit up as she caught one, holding it gently in her cupped hands. After admiring it for a moment, she let it free, watching as it flew away. He watched as she did, sitting on a rock and watching the surroundings. One could never know when one would be in danger. Rin stumbled around aimlessly, laughing shamelessly as she did, picking flowers and sticking them into her hair. They soon left for a village, hoping to find a few supplies in which Rin could "forage" for a bit.

He walked purposely, setting one foot in front of the other. Wordlessly staring ahead, he surveyed the surroundings with his sharp senses, looking for any signs of danger or pernicious behavior. Rin, on the other hand, ambled about aimlessly, walking over and taking a look at whatever caught her eye. He had tried chiding her for her insolence, in which could cause harm. She never listened though, and he one day just accepted her as a wayward spirit. She hadn't always been like that, though.

"Sesshomaru-sama, I'm tired! May we take a break?" Rin asked, faking great woe. He only sighed and took a seat on a tree stump, idly watching over the surroundings. Rin walked over and took a seat next to him, leaning her back against the stump. It was a peaceful day, and above the birds flew, their chirps the only sound heard in the silent wilderness.

"Sesshomaru-sama, I have a question to ask you." He cocked a single eyebrow at the small girl. "Are you happy?" Her words took him by surprise. Happy, he had thought. He couldn't recall when he had felt that emotion. He had felt hate, cruelty, sadness, pride… never happiness. He turned toward Rin, looking her straight in the eyes.

"Why do ask me such a question?"

"Well, because you never smile! I've seen you frown, I've seen you hate, but you never seem to smile. Why is that?" She tugged on his sleeve, eager for the answer.

Sesshomaru grabbed Rin's wrist, stopping her incessant tugs. "Maybe Rin, it is because…because I have nothing to smile for."

Rin's face turned dismal, and her posture became less pronounced. "Am… Am I not enough to make you smile?" For once, Sesshomaru was speechless. He opened his mouth, but he could not form any words on his lips. It stayed like that. He spoke eventually, though.

"I do not smile for such a great many things, Rin. Just know that I would very… sad… If you left." He gave her a crooked smile, hoisting her into his arms. At the simple gesture, Rin's melancholy face melted away, replaced by one of pure bliss. He took this as a sign that he had done the right thing.

"Don't worry Sesshomaru… This Rin will never leave you!"

Sesshomaru smiled in a melancholy way, only wishing that was the case. He just hoped that, maybe one day, he would be able to give the girl a real smile, in which she justly deserved.

He smiled at the disfigured corpse in his arms, burned beyond recognition. Rin had said she would never leave… He had known that that was a promise she could not keep, but one he would try to prorogue as long as he could. He never thought though, that the promise would have broken so soon. The smile he gave Rin that moment though, was real. And it was filled with his sorrow, his pain, his woe. He did not smile for a great many things, it was true; they were quite rare, and were never directed at people. Rin though, deserved all of them.

He had deprived her of it; his smiles. His love. He believed that love made one weak; he and seen the strong sway under the power of it, those who had appeared so strong compelled to do things that only the weak would do; hold one's hand, give one a flower, take care of them until the end. He looked down upon such people with shame. The strong have become the weak, he had thought. The stronger now take their spots. So, when Rin asked him why he did not smile, he only partially said the truth. There were not a great many things that made him smile; there were a great many things though, that made him want to smile.

Rin's grin, her stupidly charming antics, the way she reveled, her wave; the twinkle in her eyes. They had all made him want to smile. He did not though, because he believed that he would have then fallen to prey to love, and in effect, lost his strength. So he held back those smiles, pushing them back deep into his mind. Smiles were for the weak, he thought. They are not for me.

He realized though, that his strength could not have protected her from a great many things. Pestilence, penury, they all came to mind. He had believed that without love, without getting attached, he would have been able to move on; to forget. Sadly, he was mistaken. The girl had grew on his heart. He had had grown on her's too.

When he had realized this, his normally serene mind did a backflip. Where had these feeling come from? How did this girl, a small little girl, cause him to have these emotions that broke the strong, dissolved they strength as if it was nothing? If in anything, he had become afraid. He tried to shield these emotions, deny that they ever existed.

Now that she had died, he regretted it all. The held back hugs, laughs, words; his smiles. All the gestures that had been pushed deep into the recesses of his mind, he regretted them all. Rin had deserved every single one of them. He had deprived her of his smiles, his warmth, his acknowledgment. He had deprived her of his love. Now those emotions came out in an inundation of emotion. His body shook silently as his mind tried to deny that she had died; that she would be only on the other side of a tree, or perhaps a bush. His eyes, looking upon the charred body, thought otherwise. And eyes never lied.

And so he closed them. He could not bear to be try to make himself forget, only to be reminded over and over again that it was true; Rin had died, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He had told her to stay back. He had insisted, even. She paid no heed, though. She didn't want to run. She didn't think there was any reason to, either. She had believed that he was strong enough to protect her. He had, too.

As he gripped the body tightly, he wondered where his strength had been then, when he was fighting the great demon. Did it become scared, run off to some other being who believed that it had deserved it more? Did it simply take a vacation, no longer wishing to serve a master it no longer desired? Or was strength an illusion, as real as the mist one cut through with his hand. An illusion, was that what he had searched for all these years? Was that what had stopped him from giving the attention and care that Rin had so justly deserved? A simple illusion?

Maybe that's all it was. A trick, a sham, as meaningless as a single leaf, traveling on the wind. It did not matter though. An illusion, a reality, all of it didn't matter. It did not allow him to protect the one he had cared about the most, and so it meant nothing. What was power, what was strength, if it did not allow one to do such a simple act as that?

He felt the lick of flames and heat coming closer, but he did not care. Bring on the flames, he thought. They cannot hurt me more than I have been right now. Through the crackle of flames came a sound he did not expect.

"Why are you crying, Sesshomaru-sama?"

Whose voice was that? Could it have been… Rin? He smiled sadly. His grief stricken mind made up the oddest things.

"Sesshomaru-sama, why are you crying?" The voice said more urgently, hands shaking his shoulders. He slowly turned around, facing the voice. Small hands wiped away the tears on his face; tears he had never realized were there.

"Rin…Is that you?" The smoke hung heavily in the air, obscuring his vision.

"Yes, who else could it be? Anyway, Sesshomaru-sama, we have to get out of here! The fire's really growing and-"

Sesshomaru threw his arms around Rin, encasing her entire body in a fierce hug, cutting her off. The body he had been holding, he realized, met have been some other unfortunate soul. "Rin…Rin…" He whispered her name hoarsely over and over again holding onto her if as if she was the last thing in the world. "Never leave this Sesshomaru's side again, Rin."

"Of course. Sesshomaru-sama. Why would I?" She smiled at him, her warmth breaking through the ice encasing his heart. Meanwhile, a figure rapidly approached Rin, sword poised over its head…

"Rin!" He yelled, pulling Rin aside and drawing his sword with the other. In burst of strength and speed the likes he had never felt before, he batted the unknown assailant's sword away, decapitating him in one smooth motion.

Rin gave a small shriek, and he shielded her from the fire, scooping her into his arms, leaping away from the fire. He pressed her close to his chest as he did, stroking her hair with his thumb. Rin looked up, startled at Sesshomaru's face. She had become startled at his sudden show of affection, as she knew for him not to give spontaneous acts of affection; it did not stop her from enjoying it though, and she tried to snuggle even closer to his chest.

Sesshomaru looked down at her, noticing her sudden change in expression, an expression of bliss. In return, he gave her what he had always wanted to give her. He gave her a smile; a smile of warmth, a smile of happiness, a smile of love. She only smiled back, and closed her eyes.

Sesshomaru looked ahead, focusing on the passing trees. He felt the warmth of Rin's body pressed against his chest, and he thought of his strength; the strength that came from the absence of love. As he ran through the warm summer night, Rin cuddled against his chest, he thought that maybe, it was the other way around.

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**Yay happy endings! "Im gonna be starting a longer story soon which i'm going to actually plan out and not just pull out of my butt, so woot!**

**Review!**


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